Humour, Life lessons, writing

The Dictionary

The dictionary

Look it up in a dictionary”, I said IMAG9931

A what?

Dictionary, it’s a book that has every word in it

Like the internet?

Yeah but just words and their definitions

Like Google?

No Ads

Paper?

And Words

Like what do you mean?

A dictionary is a book that lists all the words in a language and their meanings, usually in alphabetical order. It can give the equivalent word in another language as well as their usage and examples. A dictionary can also give you the pronunciation, origin and grammatical usage whether it is a noun, verb, particle, conjunction, preposition, adjective or adverb.

What’s a verb?

It’s a doing word describing an action but I suggest you look it up……….. in a dictionary.

I don’t have a dictionary but I’ve got a smart phone with Google

Here, use my pocket dictionary. IMAG9929

You must have big pockets.

Nah just normal sized ones.

Well that dictionary won’t fit into anyone’s pockets that I know but my smartphone does. Why is it called that?

I don’t know. Let’s look it up in the dictionary. ………. I can’t seem to find it.

“OK Google why is a pocket dictionary called a pocket dictionary when it doesn’t fit in a pocket?”

Well?……

Nothing. It seems even Google can’t answer everything.

Look! Here! In my Pocket Oxford Dictionary under pocket it says pocketbook a small case for papers

“OK Dictionary guy…. define Google”

I can do that without a dictionary and this one was written before the internet existed so no Google.

Humour, poetry, writing

Andy Banjo Player

The Banjo Paterson Bush Poetry Festival in Orange, New South Wales begins on the 17th of February. There are a number of events happening throughout Orange and the surrounding district until the 24th of February 2019.

Events include The Banjo Paterson Bush Poetry Competition which I am entering a poem titled “Our Darling is Dying”. There is also Rotary Brekky and Poetry on the Pavers as well as Poetry in the Pub featuring the Poet’s Brawl. In the poets brawl, poets have one minute to deliver any original poem, bush, slam, rhyming, non-rhyming but must use both the words “Banjo” and “Orange”.

“Andy Banjo Player” is the poem I have written for the “poets brawl”, tell me what you think in the comments.

Andy played a banjo with an orange and he played it very bad

It made a juicy squishy sound and it drove his mother mad

Orange juice went everywhere and pith and peel too

The ants came by the millions and the fruit flies flew

He played with so much gusto and a lot of zeal

Grated it and juiced, he was left with orange peel

Only when he ran out of juice did Andy’s playing stop

So he ran out to a fruit stall and bought a kilo from the shop

Playing “Orange Crush”, the song from REM

Played every single orange till he’d juiced all of them

Bottled it and marketed it and only told the truth

Under the trade make of Andy’s Banjo Orange Juice

Copyright 2019

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animals, Humour, poetry

Mermaid Juice

Sitting at home this Sunday morning and my partner says something that sounds like “mermaid juice.” OK, I think to myself, there is something funny about that and I begin to write.

Mermaid Juice

“I think I’d like a mermaid juice.” The great white shark said

So she blended up a mermaid and the mermaid juice was red.

“I was feeling pretty funny because I ate a clown

But mermaid juice has fixed my tummy since I drank it down

Now I’ve had my mermaid juice, I want some toast and cheese

But I can’t leave the water, can you call Uber please?

I’d really like a sandwich on some bread that’s brown

I love Uber eats when they bring food down

Thanks for bringing my food but I’m not a fan of bread

She opened up her mouth, bit off the Uber drivers head

Great White Shark was happy with good food in her tummy

An uber driver and a clown and mermaid juice so yummy

There is one more thing, I want some more to eat

So she called the cops and ate some raw pig meat. 

 

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